So, You Can Read Body Language; Now, What?!

Recently, there has been a growing interest in the art of reading and interpreting body language. The accepted adage that words convey only about 7% of what you are trying to communicate, the tone in which those words are used, about 40%, and the physical body language the remainder (53%) of what we communicate in our everyday exchanges is now accepted as increasingly true. These numbers may not be very scientific or even accurate, but have been bandied about for so long and have such a face-value appeal that most take them for granted. Regardless of the actual numbers, their one-sided emphasis on the impact of non-verbal communication is undeniable.

Those who wonder about the importance of body language and question if anything more than the right words and language can help convey what you intend, look around in the realm of our animal kingdom. Inter-species and intra-species exchanges all take place by physical vocabulary. A tiny animal can scare off a beast ten times its size by proper use of its own body language without even making a sound (words). They can express their emotions and reactions fluently through this medium and when we watch them in those exchanges it is unmistakable what they are trying to convey to the other party.

If there are animal sounds also expressed as a part of this exchange those sounds are a by-product of the physical stance or vocabulary the animal is trying to signal. In other words when a cat arches up, with a bushed-up tail, hair standing on its back, it inevitably growls at the adversary, but that sound does not come out until the cat has assumed that physical stance. A corollary of this effect is that if you just happen to hear such a growl from a cat you do not need to turn around to look at what stance it has assumed at that moment.

Although there are many articles, videos, and demonstrations about body language interpretation there is no prescriptive guidance from these experts on what to do with it, once you become an expert in reading body language. Also, as the Presidential election season gets into high gear, major TV outlets will continue to tap body language experts to educate viewers on what a candidate said and what they are trying to hide. So, watching the more reputable experts may help the readers of this blog understand some unmistakable cues of the body language (physical vocabulary) and how it shows alignment (or misalignment) between what is said and what is unwittingly conveyed.

The purpose of this blog is not to catalog physical vocabulary and to educate its readers on how to interpret these visual cues when someone is engaged in an important exchange. The literature is rich with such catalogs and descriptions to educate the uninitiated. Rather, the purpose of this blog is to equip the readers on what to do when you spot these unmistakable cues in important exchanges that may benefit you in turning that conversation with an outcome beneficial to you.

In typical exchanges there are at least two parties. One of them is likely to be in a superior position (an interviewer, boss, teacher, customer, or a traffic cop writing you a ticket). So, they typically have an upper hand in calling you on your body language than you do on theirs. So, how do you turn the tables and make the body language exchange work for you? Here are some tips to improve your advantage in such exchanges:
1.Calming down: In encounters such as those listed here it is natural for you to be nervous, anxious, defensive, and complaisant. So, the first order of business is to calm down and look and feel confident without looking hostile or aggressive (especially with a traffic cop). If you come across as agitated, nervous, anxious, or diffident the other person may wonder what are you trying to hide or what are you so anxious about. Take a few deep breaths (from your diaphragm) and calm your nerves. Smile. If they see you in a calm, confident state the exchange can go much more in the direction that you desire. Your cowering in fear empowers the other party to ratchet up their game a notch and you are providing them that advantage by your reaction to their presence. In such exchanges (including interviews) a certain degree of anxiety or nervousness is expected, so if you are able overcome that feeling you have an advantage. This is a learned skill, so practice this calm and confident stance in such anxiety-provoking encounters.
2.Building momentum: As you engage with the other person build your presence through exchanges that mirror the other persons body language. If that person is relaxed you mirror that state, if that person is smiling you sport a similar smile on your face. If the person looks serious and glum start with a smile and see if that person responds in kind. Otherwise, assume a more serious stance. Try cracking a smile now and then throughout your exchange, it will help defuse that tension because of the persons demeanor.
3.Being defensive: If the other person is in a superior position (an interviewer) do not question how they read your body language, but acknowledge that reading as valid. For example, if the interviewer says, You looked puzzled when I asked you that question; why was that? Do not say, No, I was not puzzled, but I was just thinking of a good answer for it. Instead, say, You are correct, I was a bit puzzled because I thought you were asking me about my first project, which we discussed before. Then go on to say, I quickly realized that you were asking about the first project in the previous company.
4.Reading THEIR body language: When you see clear signals of their physical vocabulary giving you cues for you to reframe your response pay more attention to that than you would to what they are saying verbally. As an example, if you are responding to their question and see that person getting uncomfortable, impatient, or annoyed do not continue on that track. Do not ask, Is this making you uncomfortable? But, pause and say, Let me rephrase what I just told you: I did not just terminate that errant employee, but first worked with HR on a corrective performance plan and then escalated that approach as he continued to slip with no end in sight.
5.Managing your body language: When you are in a meeting with person of superior status, do not offend them by asserting your presence beyond what is reasonable. One example of this is how much space you claim as you start interacting with this person. Taking on too much physical spacefolding your legs, standing akimbo, putting both your hands on your head, leaning back, etc.can signal to the other person that you are being offensive in your stance. This can be construed as an aggressive behavior and disrespectful. So, manage your space and gestures in deference with the perceived status gap that exists between the two of you. Just as you are expected to be polite in your use of the language with them be polite with your physical vocabulary, too.
Being able to read body language is a good skill that you can learn and benefit from. As the next step use some of the tips from this blog prescriptively to drive the conversation in a way to benefit you, even when you are not in the superior position in an exchange.

Good luck!

About Author

Dilip has distinguished himself as LinkedIn’s #1 career coach from among a global pool of over 1,000 peers ever since LinkedIn started ranking them professionally (LinkedIn selected 23 categories of professionals for this ranking and published this ranking from 2006 until 2012). Having worked with over 6,000 clients from all walks of professions and having worked with nearly the entire spectrum of age groups—from high-school graduates about to enter college to those in their 70s, not knowing what to do with their retirement—Dilip has developed a unique approach to bringing meaning to their professional and personal lives. Dilip’s professional success lies in his ability to codify what he has learned in his own varied life (he has changed careers four times and is currently in his fifth) and from those of his clients, and to apply the essence of that learning to each coaching situation. After getting his B.Tech. (Honors) from IIT-Bombay and Master’s in electrical engineering(MSEE) from Stanford University, Dilip worked at various organizations, starting as an individual contributor and then progressing to head an engineering organization of a division of a high-tech company, with $2B in sales, in California’s Silicon Valley. His current interest in coaching resulted from his career experiences spanning nearly four decades, at four very diverse organizations–and industries, including a major conglomerate in India, and from what it takes to re-invent oneself time and again, especially after a lay-off and with constraints that are beyond your control. During the 45-plus years since his graduation, Dilip has reinvented himself time and again to explore new career horizons. When he left the corporate world, as head of engineering of a technology company, he started his own technology consulting business, helping high-tech and biotech companies streamline their product development processes. Dilip’s third career was working as a marketing consultant helping Fortune-500 companies dramatically improve their sales, based on a novel concept. It is during this work that Dilip realized that the greatest challenge most corporations face is available leadership resources and effectiveness; too many followers looking up to rudderless leadership. Dilip then decided to work with corporations helping them understand the leadership process and how to increase leadership effectiveness at every level. Soon afterwards, when the job-market tanked in Silicon Valley in 2001, Dilip changed his career track yet again and decided to work initially with many high-tech refugees, who wanted expert guidance in their reinvention and reemployment. Quickly, Dilip expanded his practice to help professionals from all walks of life. Now in his fifth career, Dilip works with professionals in the Silicon Valley and around the world helping with reinvention to get their dream jobs or vocations. As a career counselor and life coach, Dilip’s focus has been career transitions for professionals at all levels and engaging them in a purposeful pursuit. Working with them, he has developed many groundbreaking approaches to career transition that are now published in five books, his weekly blogs, and hundreds of articles. He has worked with those looking for a change in their careers–re-invention–and jobs at levels ranging from CEOs to hospital orderlies. He has developed numerous seminars and workshops to complement his individual coaching for helping others with making career and life transitions. Dilip’s central theme in his practice is to help clients discover their latent genius and then build a value proposition around it to articulate a strong verbal brand. Throughout this journey, Dilip has come up with many groundbreaking practices such as an Inductive Résumé and the Genius Extraction Tool. Dilip owns two patents, has two publications in the Harvard Business Review and has led a CEO roundtable for Chief Executive on Customer Loyalty. Both Amazon and B&N list numerous reviews on his five books. Dilip is also listed in Who’s Who, has appeared several times on CNN Headline News/Comcast Local Edition, as well as in the San Francisco Chronicle in its career columns. Dilip is a contributing writer to several publications. Dilip is a sought-after speaker at public and private forums on jobs, careers, leadership challenges, and how to be an effective leader.

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